Mindful Complaints
Increase Effectiveness of Complaints with Mindful Speech.
While complaints are often necessary forms of truth and self-kindness, the next step is to select carefully the best audience to hear them.
The Power of Words
When practicing the principles of mindful speech, it is important to remember that your words have power. You influence everyone around you with your temperament and the words you choose to speak.
To that end, considering whether your words are true, kind and necessary for yourself is only the first part of speaking mindfully, the second point is ensuring that you speak your truth to the correct audience. This is particularly true in the context of complaining.
One Possible Scenario
While the technique itself is applicable in any number of day-to-day situations, the following example is one that is common in yoga class:
You arrive to the studio a few minutes early, and settle on your mat in your usual spot. The blonde-haired woman who usually sits to your right is already there resting in child’s pose. The instructor is lighting candles at the front of the room. The athletic man is preparing his space in the back of the room. You nod and smile at one another in greeting, but do not speak.
As you close your eyes and begin to bring your awareness inside your mind and body, you realize that the room is far cooler than usual. Even the tip of your nose is cold! After considering this for a few moments, you know that this is going to make your practice very uncomfortable, and will likely distract you from your intention of a relaxing, mindful practice.
Is it True? Kind? Necessary?
You want to say something about this, and remember the practice of mindful speech. You determine that it is truly cold in this studio. That it would be kind to you and your practice to make a change in the temperature in the room. In order for you to enjoy the practice you are paying for, it is necessary to say something.
However, the key to speaking mindfully in this instance is not whether or not to say something. Without a doubt, you should speak up. The question you should ask yourself next is “For whom is this information true, kind and necessary?”
Selecting the Right Audience
You look around the room. To interrupt your blonde friend’s rest in child’s pose would be unkind. To speak with the athletic man would be unnecessary. At best, the most either one of them could do is agree with you that it is cold. Neither of them would be able to change the condition of the room any more than you can yourself.
The instructor is the most able to address the room’s temperature.
If the thermostat is in the room, she will know where and how to adjust it. If it is not, she will know the proper people to speak to about the matter. If the room’s temperature is completely beyond her control, she can ensure that everyone has an extra blanket to stay cozy in Savasana. Or she can ensure that the day’s practice is rigorous enough to make the cooler air feel welcome and comfortable.
Similarly, when you have a complaint that the customer service person on the telephone cannot address, it does not make sense to frustrate both of you further in an attempt to be heard. The appropriate action is to request to speak with that individual’s manager, or to ask for the contact name and information with someone who would be in a better position to help you.
This care and attention to your audience will not go unnoticed!
Similar to the feelings of goodwill and peace that arise from being assertive with mindful speech, addressing complaints to the appropriate person can help you feel more effective in your efforts to change the world around you.
